The Theory of Uniform Social Standards is based on the concept that all actions are linked. For instance, telling a lie to someone or oneself, no matter how small, eventually snowballs into a much grander lie if left unchecked. Therefore, one lie makes a person more prone to tell and see more lies, and thus makes the person less than trustworthy and trusting.
In addition, this lie affects other thought processes. As the person tells more lies, they eventually lose faith in themselves, sacrificing self-esteem and confidence. Goal setting and drive is inhibited as well, since the person cannot believe their own statements of determination wholeheartedly and do not believe in their "right" to have what they want.
Furthermore, the liar cannot believe that anyone else is telling the truth. They will not accept compliments with grace, they will doubt everyone's merit, and they will cling to what they have in life, no matter how meager or awful, because they cannot believe there is something better, that they deserve it, or that they can even attain it.
Essentially, when a person believes it is okay to tell a lie, they will go on to surmise that all things are facades and all people believe it is okay to lie as well. This is because of humanity's desire and method of relating to others - the "I'm like you so I like you" propensity. As you might imagine, this creates an interesting paradox.
Scientific Roots
This concept falls back on the premise that the brain can only imagine reality according to its learned rules of physics. As an example, although it is theoretically possible to pass one's hand through a table because it is nothing more than a cluster of electrons, the brain cannot believe it is possible because you have never tried, and therefore it will not happen. The brain then goes on to surmise that all things appearing solid must therefore be impassible.
(However, with enough training, it is possible to make your brain believe your hand can pass through the table. Asian martial artists and monks have gotten the closest to attaining this level of personal mind control. Although they have yet to do it without harming the table, they can do it without harming their hand or even feeling it.)
Your statements and actions eventually teach your brain the rules. Vibrations from the spoken word resonate in your mind, leaving an impression. Your fingers and facial expressions take the most focus from the brain, and leave an impression. Continued repetition of certain behaviors - even handwriting style - teach the brain a specific pattern, and that pattern is then applied to everything it does. A filter, if you will.
This is because of the way your brain prefers to "keep in stock" what is most used. The more you feed your brain sadness, the more your brain will produce receivers for sadness. This in turn leaves fewer receivers for joy, therefore causing you to experience sadness more than joy. You will also have a tendency to view the world with a dim light, seeking the negative in order to feed your sadness receivers.
Philosophy of Uniform Social Standards
The Philosophy of Uniform Social Standards therefore states that in every choice, one should consider the fallout with "all" in mind. In other words, blow your choice out of proportion and see the consequences in macrovision. For example, know that if you tell a lie now, it will inhibit your ability to discern fact from fiction in all aspects of life.
In using the Philosophy of Uniform Social Standards daily, one will eventually discover the basic fundamentals to forgiving and humane behavior. They will be able to reverse depression, psychosis, complexes, fears, inhibitions, obsessions, compulsions, and generally unpack their baggage just by correcting a few seemingly simple behaviors.
Personal Example
Two years ago I was a selfish, attention-seeking, exaggerator with low self-esteem and zero confidence. I hadn't accomplished anything in life, and couldn't value my creations or accomplishments unless someone else complimented them - even if I could manage to sit down long enough to finish anything I started. I was also petrified of failure and secretly believed I wasn't good enough for success anyways.
I got it into my head that I wanted to be a better person - but this would be a much larger undertaking than I realized at the time because it required everything I didn't have yet. I knew from the outset the hardest personal flaw to overcome would be my desire for attention. I had to consciously refrain from telling everyone "see, look, ain't I great?" every time I did something good for another person.
The Journey
Through a few conversations with Will, I eventually decided to begin by ridding myself of exaggerations and lies. I refused to listen to or participate in gossip, admitted the honest truth to myself and others about my history and actions, and threw out all cotton candy in favor of blunt, honest opinions.
This eventually led to not doing anything I would not want others to know about, putting real effort into my job (showing up on time, not taking shortcuts in tasks etc), and having real empathy for others because knowing how they might want me to handle a situation takes understanding their viewpoint - and understanding their viewpoint meant shutting up and listening for a change. That eventually caused me to win the respect of my peers because they knew I would listen to them, wouldn't talk about them behind their back, do anything to betray them, or give them anything short of my honest opinion.
That eventually made me a go-to person in their eyes for advice. As soon as I realized this, I started seriously considering my words before speaking or writing. This cut down how much I interacted with others to a great extent, which incidentally caused others to value what I had to say more because it was usually valid, intelligent and infrequent.
A New Person
As I came to handle more and more situations without a helping hand or hitch, my self-esteem and confidence grew. Just ridding myself of lies and exaggerations helped me to become caring, modest (well, more modest than I was), honest, and confident - the complete antithesis of what I was two years prior.
Most importantly, through this process I realized what I truly loved doing with my time and why - because I was honest with myself and spent a great deal of time weighing pros and cons. I gained the ability to value and appreciate my creations for their merit alone, and so I became capable of seeing my projects through to completion.
I have even regressed a bit and become selfish with my creations - keeping my ideas and projects a secret until the right time. Until they would actually benefit someone else, until I could back my statements, until -I- was satisfied with what I have created.
Two years ago I was a selfish, attention-seeking, exaggerator with low self-esteem and zero confidence. I hadn't accomplished anything in life, and couldn't value my creations or accomplishments unless someone else complimented them - even if I could manage to sit down long enough to finish anything I started. I was also petrified of failure and secretly believed I wasn't good enough for success anyways.
I got it into my head that I wanted to be a better person - but this would be a much larger undertaking than I realized at the time because it required everything I didn't have yet. I knew from the outset the hardest personal flaw to overcome would be my desire for attention. I had to consciously refrain from telling everyone "see, look, ain't I great?" every time I did something good for another person.
The Journey
Through a few conversations with Will, I eventually decided to begin by ridding myself of exaggerations and lies. I refused to listen to or participate in gossip, admitted the honest truth to myself and others about my history and actions, and threw out all cotton candy in favor of blunt, honest opinions.
This eventually led to not doing anything I would not want others to know about, putting real effort into my job (showing up on time, not taking shortcuts in tasks etc), and having real empathy for others because knowing how they might want me to handle a situation takes understanding their viewpoint - and understanding their viewpoint meant shutting up and listening for a change. That eventually caused me to win the respect of my peers because they knew I would listen to them, wouldn't talk about them behind their back, do anything to betray them, or give them anything short of my honest opinion.
That eventually made me a go-to person in their eyes for advice. As soon as I realized this, I started seriously considering my words before speaking or writing. This cut down how much I interacted with others to a great extent, which incidentally caused others to value what I had to say more because it was usually valid, intelligent and infrequent.
A New Person
As I came to handle more and more situations without a helping hand or hitch, my self-esteem and confidence grew. Just ridding myself of lies and exaggerations helped me to become caring, modest (well, more modest than I was), honest, and confident - the complete antithesis of what I was two years prior.
Most importantly, through this process I realized what I truly loved doing with my time and why - because I was honest with myself and spent a great deal of time weighing pros and cons. I gained the ability to value and appreciate my creations for their merit alone, and so I became capable of seeing my projects through to completion.
I have even regressed a bit and become selfish with my creations - keeping my ideas and projects a secret until the right time. Until they would actually benefit someone else, until I could back my statements, until -I- was satisfied with what I have created.
My life took a complete 180 just by fixing one seemingly simple behavior. Hence the Theory and Philosophy of Uniform Social Standards.
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"the following statement is true"
"the above statement is false"
I can imagine that liars live in a world of contradictions and perhaps even solitude.
there was this 'friend' who constantly told me that I was lying... it got to the point where I felt frustrated having a conversation with her because she refused to believe what I told her was the truth. It got to the point where a physical fight nearly happened, but it ended up with me shutting her out of my life, because what's the use in having a relationship with someone who takes you for a liar? I thought about it one day, and came to the conclusion that she must be someone who tells lies and believe that everyone is the same. Someone like her ends up alone, because of her lack of trust in people. I wonder though, if an adult who has lied all his life, can change from that habit of lying. I also wonder if it has something to do with birth signs as well?
what I realize is that people are lousy observers of their own behaviours, so while pointing out someone they 'think' is a liar, they're giving a blind eye to their own untruths.
In other words, they probably could turn around, but they would have to believe they can turn around (the light bulb has to want to change AND believe it to be the honest truth that it can change).
Your former friend is an extreme case. I would venture to say any sense of willpower they may have had is totally gone, so simply refraining from telling lies wouldn't be enough on its own. They would have to prove to themselves they are worth something - by completing several small tasks, for instance.
But this is something they would have to want for themselves - and to reference the above light bulb analogy, unfortunately it's pretty hard to see the light bulb NEEDS to be changed when it has gone too far because it is so dark in their room. Or as you said, they have a blind eye to their own untruths.
Thank you =) You're really helping me expand on this ^.^
The rote example would be when ones girlfriend asks "Do these jeans make my ass look fat?"
Now, there's a number of answers one might give. "No dear" is the standard and probably the safest, even if they -do-. I've yet to find a person who appreciated brutal honesty there and, even if ones girlfriend gets mad and doesn't believe them, ones ass is still covered. "Yes" is a much more dicey proposition. While, in theory the truth is the best policy, in practice all you're liable to end up with for such honesty is a dirty look or a fight. "No, dear, it's your ass that makes your ass look fat" while even more honest probably doesn't need to get covered.
Indeed, telling the truth during most casual social engagements would probably make one a bit of an outcast. There's a fine line, sometimes, between honesty and callousness and many people, in my experience, have a tough time differentiating. When getting introduced to a random customer by my boss, "This is so and so" had -better- be answered with "Nice to meet you", even if the more honest answer is "I don't give a shit."
While a person can get lost in a sea of tale-telling and lose self esteem and whatnot, I don't think the act of lying alone is enough to make that happen. It might, however, contribute greatly. The person who lies during an interview to get a job they are vastly under qualified for will probably end up aggravated more because they can't perform the job to their employers standards than because they lied to get the job. The person who tells his new lover he isn't married when he is probably won't have a particularly good time when either the wife or the lover finds out. Yet, even then, the actual act of lying isn't so much a problem as sticking ones dick in another woman, or telling said woman that one is single.
All that said, you're probably right that lies do affect how the brain works and can control some behavior. I remember when I was younger and often moved from state to state I'd often take stock of where I was, socially, and what things about me people disliked. I'd then work on creating a facade where those qualities didn't exist. My personality change would seem quite strange to those who knew me, but people I'd never met couldn't tell the difference. It's something that's worked well for me throughout life, and I'm liable to change my image again, even now, before I go to school in January.
Like anything else, lies can be abused. Also like everything else, however, they are merely tools. Precision and thoughtful lying can make ones private world a better place. The social niceties of lying point to the idea that society, by and large, believes the same thing even if they're not willing to put it into so many words very often.
Someone who would answer "I don't give a shit" is also not being honest with themselves - an honest person who does not enjoy meeting people would not put himself in that position unless they had a good reason to. In which case, they would be pleased to meet them because that person would be important.
"Precision and thoughtful lying can make ones private world a better place." Sorry if this seems trite - but do you think, perhaps, the way you choose to deceive people might have anything to do with your lack of close friends?
I'm not saying you're wrong to lie, and I'm not even saying you should change that fact about you because you may well be perfectly happy with the way you live, but your statements do prove my theory.
You change your image so people will approve of you, because you crave their approval - if only to not cause ripples. I once did the same thing.
This indicates a certain lacking of self-esteem and confidence. In your case it may not be readily apparent to the casual observer - but if your romantic endeavors are less than successful, it's no wonder. Women are attracted to confidence, and your body language will be a dead giveaway that something isn't quite right in that area.
If this is offensive in any way, then obviously some part of you wants to no longer embody these things. Either way, I won't ask you to change because all that matters to me is that you're happy with the way you live. Nobody can ask change of anyone except themselves.
That was my point. In that example, I wouldn't particularly want to meet that person, but outside factors (being at work, for one) precipitates that I must. It's a rock and a hard place, and the seemingly responsible reply is to play nice and get done with it already.
but do you think, perhaps, the way you choose to deceive people might have anything to do with your lack of close friends?
It might. I think it has more to do with my general outlook on people though. Without going into way too much detail on a journal that's not my own, many of my formative years aren't exactly filled with nice memories of my peers. Subsequently I'm generally wary around other people, and I have to see something in them (whether I see it or they show me) before I can be bothered to care about them. They have to be something really special for me to let most, if not all, of my guards down.
You change your image so people will approve of you, because you crave their approval - if only to not cause ripples. I once did the same thing. This indicates a certain lacking of self-esteem and confidence.
I suppose. Doesn't everyone want to be liked though?
In your case it may not be readily apparent to the casual observer - but if your romantic endeavors are less than successful, it's no wonder. Women are attracted to confidence, and your body language will be a dead giveaway that something isn't quite right in that area.
My romantic endeavors do all right. They take a bit to get going (mostly because I'm shy-ish), but once they do they tend to be fairly smooth.
No offense taken, by the way. One of the things I saw before I friended you was that you had insight and whatnot into people. I'm curious :)
I'm also, however, off to work. I'll keep an eye out this afternoon or tomorrow :)
Aha - and here we have found the root. I can relate to having poor experiences with peers in my youth, and although I'm certainly not saying mine were any worse - it is baggage that can be unpacked.
As you might have noticed in my personal example, I too had a big problem with caring for and about other people. I didn't have empathy of any sort until about a year ago, but the simple act of writing this to you is testament to the fact I do now.
I overcame that by separating -trust- from -care- and realizing one simple fact of life - everyone has something to bring to the table. Everyone has something to offer and teach, if only we take the time to listen.
The funny part is, people LOVE to talk about themselves, and will like someone who asks questions and listens to what they have to say. You say you're curious and that you fear people having a poor opinion of you (and I may even venture to say that fear is centered around saying the wrong thing) - then why not get two birds with one stone?
I guarantee you, if you just ask questions (about things they obviously take pride in or enjoy) and not say a word about yourself people will adore you. And as a general rule, I don't offer guarantees unless I know with 300% certainty that it will absolutely work.
Now that doesn't mean YOU have to like them or even give your honest opinion on anything they say, or even trust them (heck, it takes at least a year before I even remotely trust ANYBODY, and I can count the number of people I "fully" trust to this day on two fingers).
And I don't want to be liked - I want to be happy. You can't please everyone all the time, and if wanting to be liked was always on my mind - boy would I be depressed! In fact, when that WAS my main objective, I was depressed because I would beat myself up over every hint someone disliked me.
With that, here's a couple good questions to start off any conversation. How do you enjoy spending your time? and How do you spend most of your time?
Generally, how do you spend most of your time works right off the bat, but if their answer gives you the impression they don't enjoy how they spend most of their time, then ask the other one. The key is to find their hot button - something that excites them.
And if you find what they said to be particularly entertaining, here's something else people LOVE - telling stories AGAIN. Introduce your "new friend" to someone else and ask that person to tell them their story again because "it was just so interesting."
That is, of course, if you want to have droves of people who absolutely adore you =)
This is because the honest person would have quit their job if the environment did not suit their ethics or preferences, instead of sabotaging the company by taking up a seat that could be filled by someone who enjoyed the job and believed in the company's ethics.
I have quit many jobs because I honestly felt I was sabotaging the customers and the company by making everyone believe I enjoyed the job and believed in the company when in actuality I absolutely loathed it. Your performance and attitude with your co-workers affects the company's profits as well as your co-workers' performance, and if you're not at 100% because you have to expend so much energy lieing, then you are stealing from everyone.
It's actually scientifically proven by fMRI technology that lieing takes significantly more brain power and therefore energy than being honest. Look it up, the study was published in Popular Mechanic magazine a few months ago.
one idea that might have been made clearer is that lying does something more... not only is it an addictive defense, but it begins the path to self deception. one lie feeds into another, and, if not checked, one cannot tell when they are lying, or speaking truth. this is the part that destroys out ability to complete goals, in the way we first envisioned them. we may still accomplish goals, but when the lie blurs with truth, then things do not work the way we thought. of course the liar cannot see that, so that in turn becomes "I meant for that to happen"
thus the road to self deception is followed.
And yes, you are right, I do need to emphasize the bit about self-deception. Perhaps it's in the comments of this post, if not it's in the post about the books, but I had a discussion with nova_orion about that.
Although you might have already seen them... I know how you like to be thorough =)